Kneeling at certainty

Impermanence is the only rule that never seems to break. It applies equally to people, moments, triumphs, and grief.

A sunset wouldn't be as magical if it lasted forever. The only reprieve for pain- physical and emotional is that it won't last forever either.

Impermanence is the blessing and curse of existence.

Oftentimes, it seems the source of suffering is borne of clinging to certainty. Will I be able to provide for my needs sufficiently? Will this relationship last forever? What happens when I die?

Growing up among devotees of Christianity, the term "the lord works in mysterious ways" always elicited a routine eye roll from me and further drove home my belief that God was just an uninspiring parent figure insisting on nonsensical rules "because I say so".

I'm not the kind of girl who follows authority- faithfully, blindly.

However, it occurs to me that uncertainty is the manufacturer of wonder.

I'm not looking for hard answers. Life is rarely black and white. Most concepts dwell in some gray area of sometimes but not never, or always.

Its a sin, a commandment not to steal. But what if you're starving? What if your child is starving? Reality rarely conforms to absolutes.

The intricacies of how one moment affects another, on the other side of the world is humbling for a simple, human mind.

Personally, I would be hard-pressed to find the silver lining in childhood cancer, rape, murder, or any other horrid thing reality inflicts on the unsuspecting. There may be some fabric of creation that understands how such atrocities fit into the whole

I hope nothing so tragic is ever visited upon my small existence. But if it were, I hope that I would never scream at the abyss, demanding a reason.

I hope that I could still be awed by a sunset. That I could still feel chills from a kiss. That I could collapse into every miraculous moment with all the enthusiasm of a blind man with renewed vision.

I have no desire to kneel before certainty. Wonder has always been the better teacher.